Responsibility Is Mysterious, and It Scares Me
Responsibility is a strange thing. It's mysterious, and at the same time, it's terrifying.
I'll be honest: I have always been afraid of responsibility. It could be responsibility for a person, for an event, for a decision. It's never easy, because when something is your responsibility, you are 100% accountable for it. No one else carries it for you.
But lately, I've been realizing just how mysterious responsibility really is, and what it actually does to us, as human beings and as people who want to reach something in life.
This one is personal. Let me tell you where it started.
Where It All Began: Tagum City
I'm from Tagum City, Davao del Norte. That's my hometown. That's where I made my first sale, landed my first job, and earned my first money.
Then one day, I got a job offer in Davao City, about an hour and a half to three hours away from Tagum, depending on traffic.
The role was in accounts payable, under the accounting department of a BPO company serving a US logistics company. I accepted it right away, because it aligned with what I wanted for my future: real, professional, accounting-related experience.
But here's the thing. When I said yes, I didn't know anyone in Davao. I had no connections there. I didn't know a single person inside the company.
It was a completely new environment. And strangely, what I felt was excitement.
I'm grateful to the friends who helped me along the way. They sent me the link where I applied, and they guided me in finding a place to stay, a small boarding house in Davao. A lot of people helped me get there.
But once I was there, I was alone.
Alone in One Room
I lived alone in a single room. I had no one to run to except myself.
In those moments, I was the only one responsible for me.
I took care of myself. I prepared my own meals. I figured out how to never be late for work. When I got sick, I took my own medicine. There was no one to ask for help, because I was the only one there. When I caught a cold, when I couldn't sleep at night, I had to find a way to heal myself.
While living alone, I was earning my own income. I'd always been like that. I loved earning for myself, even back then. My mother trained me that way, and I got used to it. And honestly, having your own income feels good.
But living completely on your own? That's a different story.
The first month, the second month, all the way to the fifth month, it was a real struggle.
No one wakes you up. No meal is waiting for you. You are fully, completely responsible for yourself.
And that's when it hit me. Taking care of yourself is incredibly hard.
The Things I Took for Granted
Back when I was living with my family, I took so much for granted.
I'd wake up and there was already food on the table. Someone would wake me up when it was time for work. I barely thought about responsibility at all, because my mother was there. I didn't have to think about much.
But when it was just me, when I was the only one responsible for my own life, I finally understood: keeping yourself alive is hard work.
And then the next question hit me even harder.
How much more for my mother?
My mother is a widow. My father passed away when I was in Grade 9, and since then, she has raised both me and my younger sibling on her own.
If it was this hard to take care of just myself, how much harder was it for her, raising me, my sibling, and herself all at once?
Night after night, I kept asking myself: how did she manage that responsibility? How did she carry all the problems she faced in those situations?
If you're a parent, a mother, a father, or a guardian, you probably already know the answer to that question. That question stayed in my mind back then.
That's why I appreciated my mother even more when I lived alone. What she did for us was never easy. I love her so much, and I appreciate her more than words can say.
Where I Learned to Grow
But that's also where I learned to live on my own. That's where I learned how to take care of myself, how to budget my money, and how to be responsible for myself.
That's where I grew as a person.
And the growth was exponential. Compared to what I had learned while living under my mother's roof, it felt like a hundred times more once I was alone. It was hard.
But it was worth it.
That's where I learned to handle things myself, because in those moments, I was the only one who could help me. My friends were willing to help. My mother was willing to help. But they were far away. I was in Davao.
So I had to take care of myself.
And before I knew it, I had gotten used to being independent. I started to enjoy living alone. And I began to appreciate how independence was giving me maturity.
That's what's so mysterious about it. I didn't understand it back then. I just enjoyed it.
Now I'm in Laguna, Still Alone
Today, I'm in Laguna, still living on my own.
The rent is more expensive, and I'm also paying for my own studies. But something has changed. I now offer my own services. And I'm surrounded by entrepreneur friends who support me.
But the feeling is the same.
Even when you know you have many friends, even when so many people are willing to help you, even when your mother, far away, would help you the moment you fall, the feeling doesn't change.
I am still the one responsible for myself. Whatever happens to me now depends on me. And whatever goes wrong, I'm the one who has to fix it.
The Comfort Zone That Almost Stopped Me
Before I moved to Laguna, I resigned from my job in Davao City and went back home.
And I got stuck in my comfort zone.
I stopped thinking so much about myself, about what I would eat, about whether I would have a source of income if things fell apart. I didn't worry about any of that, because I was back under my family's roof. Someone was there to catch me. I could feel that I was being caught.
And I felt my life becoming stagnant in those moments.
Was I growing? Yes. But I was comfortable. Honestly, I wasn't paying rent. I wasn't even required to contribute at home. My life had no weight of responsibility at all.
Until the time came when I needed to leave. I needed to go away, to step back and rest on my own, far from my hometown.
That's how I ended up here in Laguna, since most of my clients are also here in Luzon, around Metro Manila. Even so, I'm still about three to four hours away from them whenever I travel to the Metro.
Life With Teeth
Here's what I've noticed about myself since moving here: my willingness to find income has more grip now. It has teeth.
Because living in Luzon is expensive. It has teeth.
I pay all my bills. I create content on top of that. And did you know content creation isn't cheap? The equipment I use for my content doesn't come at zero cost.
I found myself living an uncomfortable life again, and once again, that's exactly where I started growing as a person.
My growth accelerated the moment I went back to living alone. Here, I learned to build apps. I experienced the awkwardness of collecting payments. I learned to talk to people I didn't know. I got more exposure speaking in front of many people, something I never did back when I was still in Tagum.
It's lonely. I miss my family. I know they love me so much, and I love them so much too. But this is how far apart we are.
On the other side, I can't deny what this has done for me personally, and what impact it will have on my future. It's exponential growth.
But I still didn't fully understand responsibility. All I knew was that I'm accountable for all my actions. All I knew was that I'm responsible for the things I can control.
I've told you this long story, and the problem is, even then, I still didn't understand it. Why is responsibility so important?
I kept asking myself that.
The Night Everything Made Sense
One night, my entrepreneur friends gathered and started talking.
I'm the type who just listens. I don't cut in much. I only ask when there's something I really want to know. Because when you simply listen to entrepreneurs talk, you learn so much. Even if you're not part of the conversation, you always pick something up.
One of the entrepreneurs asked the owner of the house where we were hanging out a question. He was troubled. He'd been feeling lazy, and he felt like he wasn't growing much anymore as an entrepreneur.
The house owner said: "Maybe you've gotten comfortable. Maybe all your income already covers your people and your bills, so you've got no reason left to keep working."
The one who asked admitted that might be it.
And do you know what the house owner said next?
As a joke, he told him: "Then get another wife. Have more kids."
Everyone around laughed.
I just smiled, and laughed a little. It was said in jest, but I interpreted it differently.
After everyone stopped laughing, he continued. The essence of what he said was this: go back, or find a way, to make yourself uncomfortable again. Create your own problems. Look for problems. Make everything your problem.
The joke about another wife, the joke about more kids, those were just jokes. But the essence of his answer, the way I understood it, was this:
Add more responsibility.
Then he said it plainly. "Me? I have eight children. Do you think I can afford to be lazy when I know I have eight kids to feed and raise? If anything happens to them, I'm the one responsible. Do I even have time to be lazy?"
Responsibility Comes First, Then Power
At that moment, it clicked. I realized how crucial responsibility is. I understood the role it plays in a person's life.
Spider-Man said, "With great power comes great responsibility."
But I don't believe that.
I believe it's the other way around. Take on great responsibility, and power will come.
In my interpretation, responsibility is what shapes you into a better person. It helps you understand the big things you never understood before.
I may not yet understand people who have children. I may not yet understand people who are married. I may not yet understand people who raise children who aren't even their own. There are many things I don't understand because I haven't experienced them yet.
But the responsibility those people face every single day opens their eyes to things the rest of us never see. They could have walked away from those people. They could have refused to take responsibility.
But they chose to.
And once they take that step and hold on to responsibility, that's where they gain wisdom, power, and a heart that understands and sympathizes with people who are going through the same things.
That's where we learn.
If You Want to Accelerate Your Growth
That's when I realized: if you want to accelerate your growth in life, you need to take on responsibility.
I'm sure there are many responsibilities being handed to us that we keep refusing. And it's not just about having children, a family, or a spouse.
Responsibility is more than that. It's so much more than that.
If you believe you're responsible for achieving your dream, you're right. You truly are responsible for your own dreams.
If you believe you have a responsibility, or you know there's something you can do for your country, take that responsibility. Accept the call to lead if you want to serve the nation. Own it.
That's how I understand responsibility today.
Why Responsible People Are Worth Trusting
When you carry responsibility, people will trust you.
Because people who are responsible for themselves, for the people around them, and who stand firm on what they believe in, are the kind of people who are easy to trust. Easy to rely on.
They are the people who face things instead of running away from them.
So as I end this: face it, and accept your responsibility.
Live responsibly. Let's be responsible as human beings.
I lowkey miss UT-AP
Want to know more about my services and writings? Connect with me at kylenelsonomac.com.
Faith without action is Fiction.